I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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