why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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