are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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