i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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