All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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