Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
