They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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