she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
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