Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
