Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
