i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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