if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
