Don't you send me to vm
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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