I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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