Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
