I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
