Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
