I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
