I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
