I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
