Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
