what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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