I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
