your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
