We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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