I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
home. puking in laundry basket.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
