you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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