Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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