just come out here and I will go home with you...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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