dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
