DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
