I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
