You really coming over, don't trick.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
