i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
