i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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