She's JV to your varsity
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
