I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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