Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
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I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
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17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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