Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You ruined the universe
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
