She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
