Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
