Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
