I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize