Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
