Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
