after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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