I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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