Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think your dad took our porno
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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