I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
