Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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