Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
