i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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