The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
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I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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