Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Of course I have a pirate flag
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
