i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
