youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
