but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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