yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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