My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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