I bet he comes in French.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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