good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
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Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
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I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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