his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
